It’s hard to appreciate where our family is today without knowing the roads we’ve walked. The devastations, trials and challenges we've faced are not evident in our joyful faces in the photo above. Instead, they are chiseled deep in our hearts and tenderly held as we press forward in building a joyful, healthy & thriving family.

To truly understand the essence of who we are and the depths of our story, you will have to listen to the podcast ;) #shamelessplug. However, I will still attempt to share some key points of our walk (below) to help you see that:

1) We have walked the walk, we don't just talk the talk - on our podcast or in life. 

2) Sustainable, Christ-centered healing and transformation IS possible for you and your family. 

Each shift below was it’s own mini journey of trials, tears, wrestling and hope that has combined into a major life shifts of where we were to where we are.

 Where We Were to Where We Are:

Family Life:

Where We Were: We both grew up in dysfunctional homes with a mix of substance abuse, mental health problems, multiple marriages & divorce between our two sets of parents, as well as other more specific traumas that deeply wounded each of us. We both grew up without any template of what a healthy family looked and felt like and without any idea how to achieve this, even though we both desperately wanted to be a part of healthy family.

With this as our foundation, we were standing on a house of cards when we first got married. Though well intentioned in our desires, in the early days of our marriage and parenting, we simply did not have the tools, support and understanding to build a healthy marriage and eventually become healthy parents as we were. We had WORK to do.

After coming to (several) breaking points in our marriage and parenting, we sought help. And A LOT of it! We spent YEARS in therapy, reading books, taking courses, being coached and seeking healthy community (among many other things) in order to heal deep wounds, rewire our nervous system, change our communication patters, fight well, become a safe space for each other (and our kids) and heal the generational brokenness we both had inherited. 

Throughout this healing process we also uncovered invaluable information about the way Me, Paul and our kids are wired in our brains & nervous system. Among the 4 of us we have a mix of ADHD, Asperger's, Sensory Processing Challenges and High Sensitivity. No wonder we have always been the creative, smart, weird ones! :D 

Where We Are: Today, with humility and gratitude, I can confidently say that our persistence, hard work and vulnerability has paid off. We have established a healthy, secure and loving home in both marriage and with our two sons and we continue to strive after this goal, together, every day.

Loss:

Where We Were: With all the complication that comes from growing up in emotionally dysfunctional families, another layer is the physical health of your parents. 3 out of the 4 of our parents did not have physically healthy lifestyles. This has been a subtle stress over the years as we started our family hoping our children would have grandparents, even if they were a bit distant.

Sadly, we both had to burry a parent by the time our oldest son turned 6. I lost my dad suddenly in 2019 and Paul lost his mom just 3 years later in 2022. Within this time we also lost the rest of our grandparents. By the time 2022 was over, we had lost 5 family members within 3 years. The grief was heavy.  

However, because we had already started our healing journey, we were aware of many tools, supports and practices that we used to help us process grief and learn to live alongside grief. While we would never wish these losses on anyone, there were many gifts we found inside of our grief journeys. 

Where We Are: Today, we have found ways to remember and honor the memory of those we lost while also moving forward in life with gratitude, vision and tenderness. We are not buried by grief (anymore), but we do hold it carefully when it shows up. I was even able to take some of my own experiences and process them through poetry, which is now available in a book for others to read here! :)

Faith Crisis:

Where We Were:  Oh boy! Where to begin. This topic truly needs its own mini-series of episodes. There is so much to unpack, but I will do my best here. We both grew up with exposure to Christianity in various ways. I went to the Episcopal church weekly with my mom and Paul's family 

Where We Are: We are passionate about Biblical understand within correct context. We are wary of emotional manipulation in and out of the Church. 

What Does Our Life Look Like Today?

Today, Paul & are a committed husband and wife team aiming to raise our children to be healthy, confident, kind, God-honoring people who stand on our ceilings and cary forth our legacy and the battles we have won for our family team.

We homeschool our kids, we build businesses and we find ways to use our story, gifts and victories to serve others on their journey. We value the wisdom of the Bible, relationship with God and people, creativity and being life long learners. 

Why might you want to stick around with us:

• We are avid researchers and readers. We are always learning and growing AND working to apply what we know and also have backing for what we share and believe. 
  
  
• We LOVE practicals. Ideals and theory is great for discussion, but at the end of the day we have a life to LIVE and that requires a lot of nuance and real life practicals. 
  
  
• We hold our convictions while giving other's space to hold theirs. We aim to not be rocked to and fro AND we are also totally okay being wrong someday.
  
  
• We ENJOY having our thoughts and ideas challenged (in a healthy way). We welcome differeing perspective (in a respectful way).

• We are committed Christians constantly seeking grounding and truth and ALSO able to respect and honor each person's unique faith journey (Christian or not).
  
  
• We ask hard questions and dive into nuanced topics. We are uniquely good at standing in the tension of hard questions, nuanced territory and differing ideas while standing on what we believe. 

While we are not therapists or coaches (yet... ;) ) we ...

• Are husband and wife DOING THE WORK every day. Navigating our own pain, being honest and transparent, questioning mainstream narratives and choosing a life of growth and freedom. 
  
  
• Do not let our broken backgrounds define our future.
  
  
• We have. taken courses, read dozens and dozens of books on healing, relationships and more (maybe nearly 100?!)

Though each person reading this page has walked a VERY different journey from the next person and is in a difference place in their life story at the core of it, though, What unites each of one of us is our desire and commitment to build a flourishing family despite a broken past, which is our purpose and mission with UnCooked Conversations. We open up our personal journey to allow other families on a similar path to feel validation, gain insight and find useful tools to make walking this road a little easier and less lonely. 

As we love to say ...